Ahh, Valentine's Day! Flowers. Chocolates. Romantic Dinners. Spending too much is not advisable. However, making a loved one smile, giving someone a nice surprise, or simply keeping the peace in your relationship is worth its weight in gold! Plan ahead, be creative, and be smart about your Valentines spending.
That said, there are times when spending on your Hunny is not advisable. If you are living together, co parenting, dating, seeing eachother, or friends with benefits and you decide to share your money, you have no legal rights should things go wrong. Choose Wisely. If you intend to co-mingle your money wait until marriage, or at least until you put the agreement in writing. Or maybe, like First Lady Reagan told us years ago, "Just Say No.":
CREDIT CARDS
When you open a credit card for your Hunny, that card is still part of your account. You may both think this card belongs to your Hunny, but the credit card company has its account with you. When the payments are not made, the bad payment history will wind up on your credit report. Breaking up may not be an issue. However, loss of income, a lost card, a late payment causing the interest rate to go up, can cause problems for you even if your Hunny didn't mean it.
Suggest your Hunny open his or her own card. A secured card, one that is opened against a savings account, or a debit card containing a Visa or Master Card logo may be a better choice for your Hunny.
CELL PHONES
Putting your Hunny on your cell plan may sound like the natural thing to do. You talk to eachother all the time anyway right? However, just like the credit card issues mentioned earlier, a lost job, a lost phone or a late payment can wreck havoc with your credit report. But a cell phone can cause additional problems. Cell phones on the same plan are also on the same billing statement. Its way too tempting to peek a look at the received, dialed, missed calls and the call duration when the bill comes in, especially if you've had an argument. This may be more information than you are ready to have. If your Hunny is not as careful with the phone bill as you are, non-payment, late payments or slow payments can cause all cell phones on that plan to be disconnected. You could lose your primary form of communication, due to no fault of your own, because of a cost you cant control.
A better choice may be to have your Hunny open their own cell phone account at a reputable cell phone store, with a deposit, if credit is an issue. There are also prepaid cell phones available in almost every drug store and convenience store. If your Hunny is on social services, a free Safelink or Assurance phone may be available.
CARS
Buying a car for your Hunny or signing a car note with your Hunny, puts you in the position of paying for something you have no control over. Missing multiple car note payments can cause credit problems when you go to buy your next vehicle. After the third missed payment, your car can be repossessed, causing you to lose your transportation. Buying a large ticket item such as a car can put a strain on a relationship for other reasons. Assumptions about when and how the car should be used, who should replace the gas and when, and who else can ride in the car, can cause loud ruckus arguments.
Some alternatives: Your Hunny can look into buying a good used car outright without financing. Also, in many cities, there are car sharing programs such as ZipCar and HertzOnDemand, where you can join and use a car from two hours up to two days. If you do share your car, please sit down and discuss how the car will be used ahead of time.
BUYING A HOUSE/ SIGNING A LEASE
If you are not ready to get married, you probably aren't ready to buy a home or sign a lease together. Buying a home is more intimate than having sex. You could be with your Significant Other for ten years and never share your bank statements, credit report or your monthly expenditures... your REAL monthly expenditures. However, when you buy a home and qualify for a mortgage, you share all of this and more. Not married because you don't want the government involved in your relationship? Wait till the mortgage people at the bank get finished looking into you!
When you sign a mortgage or lease together, you are comingling your credit, your income and your lifestyles. If this doesn't scare you, but a trip to City Hall for your marriage license does, you may have to reassess your relationship. The cart cant pull the horse.
"I'LL PAY YOU BACK WITH MY TAX RETURN"
Child Support arrearage, back taxes, back rent, unexpected emergency expenses, etc., usually eat away at any anticipated return. This is especially the case if the taxpayer filed "0," has been taxed at the highest rate all year long, and has been receiving a short paycheck all year round. Chances are that any tax return dreams will wake up in a cold sweat. Consider any money you loaned under these circumstances to be a gift.
IF YOU LOVE ME...
If you and your Hunny are not ready to take that trip down the aisle, to City Hall or Vegas, you still have the ability to protect yourself if you decide to share assets:
1) Discuss your intentions - Money issues break up more relationships than infidelity. But if you want to share your money or credit, discussing payments, responsibilities and repayment schedules is very important.
2) Reduce your discussion to writing - A contract is, at its heart, an agreement. You can have an attorney write it up. Or the two of you can put a few sentences together that describe what your intentions are. It can be an email. It just has to clearly state what your intentions are in a document that you can go back and read, in case of a dispute.
3) Remember why you are together - Your relationship, taking care of eachother and your children, being respectful of eachothers' needs should color any agreement between the two of you. If your relationship is important, you will work through financial issues to stay together.
THE CASE FOR MARRIAGE
Marriage is a Sacrament for some. And a mystery to others. However, the one thing that marriage does for every married couple is provide them with legal protections they may not have had before the ceremony. When you marry, you become eachothers' legal "next of kin" and some of your financial assets are automatically shared. You are both legally responsible to, and for, eachother. It is easier to care for eachother because in the eyes of the law, you become family to eachother. Marriage also provides financial protection should things go wrong. How romantic!
Happy Valentine's Day
Let's Be Careful Out There!
